The Return to Running *cue dramatic music*

Yesterday I had my six-week post-op follow-up appointment with my plastic surgeon.  It is actually only five weeks since my surgery, but the six week mark is Christmas Day.  My surgeon understandably refused to invite me over to his mansion for Christmas (all plastic surgeons live in mansions, no?), so he had me come in for my follow-up one week early. The appointment went like this:

Nurse: Okay, change into this gown.

Me: *takes off shirt and bra and doesn't bother putting on the stupid gown because y'all have seen all this before*

Doctor: *enters room* Alright, stand up and let's take a look.

Me:  *stands up*

Doctor and Nurse simultaneously: Wow!!! 

Me: I know, right???  *checks self out in mirror on wall*

Doctor: Your recovery is remarkable.

Me: I was hoping you'd say that. Now, doc, I have a few questions. *inhales deeply*  When can I start running? When can I start lifting weights? When can I do other cardio?  When can I do push-ups? WHEN???

Doctor: First of all, stop bouncing.  Second of all, you can start now.

Me: *pulls running shoes out of bag and starts putting them on*

Doctor: Wait wait wait!  You need to ease into it.  Make yourself a two week plan, wear a very supportive bra, don't overdo it and listen to your body.

Me: *already warming up with high-knee jogging in place* Sure, doc, whatever you say! 

Doctor: You may need to take Advil after your first few runs.

Me: Pffft. I don't need no stinkin' Advil!  See ya! *runs out of the exam room* *realizes she is still topless and quickly runs back in* 

Fast forward to this morning, when I went for my actual first post-surgery run.  It went like this:

Brain:  Finally, the day I've been waiting for for five weeks!!!

Legs: Okay, we're ready for this.  Let's run at the same pace we used to run before surgery! It will be FUN! 

Brain: Well, maybe you shouldn't do that...

Heart and Lungs: Oh this isn't so bad.  We can manage this.

Brain:  I mean, we've only gone a tenth of a mile.  It will probably get harder. 

Legs: Nonsense! 

Heart and Lungs: Well, now that you mention it, this does seem harder than it used to. 

Legs: You can't slow me down!  

Heart and Lungs:  *sobbing quietly*

Legs: We're freeeeeeee!!!

Brain: Will somebody please tell the legs to slow the hell down??? 

Heart and Lungs: Can't.breathe.  Going.to.die.  Need.paramedics.

Legs: Quit yer whinin'! 

Heart and Lungs: We may never recover.  Tell our families we love them.

Garmin watch: Hey, while all of you were bickering, we ran four miles and now we're done! 

Brain:  That.was.AWESOME!!! 

Legs: Okay, to be honest, we're a little wobbly now.

Heart and Lungs: We will never forgive any of you.

Legs: Literally cannot walk right now.

Heart and Lungs: You get what you deserve, Legs.

Brain: We are SO doing this again tomorrow! 

Legs, Heart and Lungs: NOOOOOOO!!!!

All things considered, my first post-op run went pretty well.  Four miles at a 10:20 pace (which was definitely too fast) is a decent accomplishment only five weeks major surgery.  I clearly need to work on slowing my legs down to match my cardiovascular fitness, as I've definitely lost a lot of fitness over the last several weeks.  If I can do that, I should be able to safely increase my distance.  

So I'm thinking I should be ready for a marathon by the end of January. 

I kid, I kid!  

Well, I'm pretty sure I kid. 

Random Recovery Thoughts (RRT's®)

Being on medical leave for a couple of months gives one a lot of time to ponder things.  Here are some of my more recent musings, in no particular order: 

1.  All of those cheesy holiday movies (Lifetime and Hallmark channels, I'm looking at you) are exactly the same.  A man and a woman who initially don't like each other get stuck in a small town over the holidays and somehow manage to fall in love.  It's all so completely ridiculous.  And yet, I can't.stop.watching.them.  I'm this close to moving to Montana and opening a bakery and/or bed & breakfast.  Please send help!

2.  I never realized that the main reason I would need to take time off of work for this surgery is because I need the free time to go to the millions of doctor appointments.  It's seriously a part time job!  Plastic surgeon.  Breast surgeon.  Occupational therapist.  Genetic counselor.  Oncologist.  Dentist (okay, I know that has nothing to do with breast cancer, but hey, I need to keep up the pearly whites too!).

3.  Yesterday I got the results from a $5000 DNA test I took a month ago (insurance-paid, thankfully): I do not carry any of the 16 or so breast cancer genes.  Not a single one.  That means my cancer was just rotten luck.  This is good news though, as many of those genes also indicate increased risk for other cancers (ovarian, pancreatic, prostate, etc).  So glad I don't have to worry about prostate cancer!  Really dodged a bullet there!  Phew! 

4.  I'm officially allowed to resume running at 6 weeks post-op.  That is Christmas Day.  Best.Christmas.present.EVER!  Or, if my cardiovascular fitness is completely gone after 6 weeks of not running, it may actually be the worst Christmas present ever.  Maybe I should ask Santa to bring me a shiny new Automatic External Defibrillator just in case...

5.  Every day, my upper body range of motion gets a little bit better.  Today I reached very important milestone in my flexibility: I was able to successfully put on and remove a sports bra!  BY MYSELF! 

 6.  Our cats are getting extremely spoiled by my being home every day, and sleeping in the living room every night.  I'm legitimately worried they will organize an uprising when I finally do go back to work and start sleeping in the (locked) bedroom.  Maybe I should stock up on extra treats and tuna...

7.  It has been almost a week since I've started taking showers, and the novelty has not worn off at all.  Every shower I've had has been amazing and wonderful and I will never ever take showering for granted ever again. 

There you have it.  Deep thoughts from someone with waaaaay too much free time.  I think I'll go take another shower now.  Because I CAN! 

Shower Power!

Today I had the most blissful experience ever: my first shower since my surgery 2 1/2 weeks ago!  I mean, just look at this face:

This is the face of joy.  And cleanliness.  And someone who will never take showers for granted.

That's right, I finally got my drains out yesterday!  That was an... interesting experience.  I was worried it would be painful, because there was a lot of tubing buried under my skin.  Two nurses performed the extraction in tandem, one on each side of me.  On the count of three, I took a deep breath, and then blew it out forcefully while doing an ab crunch, and at that moment the nurses yanked the two drain tubes out in one swift motion.  It didn't hurt.  It just felt... weird.  My drain tube incisions burned a little bit from the friction, but that passed quickly.  They bandaged me up and sent me home, with instructions to wait 24 hours before showering.

Longest.24.hours.EVER.

But at 2:00 pm today, I gleefully turned on my shower and proceeded to take the most satisfying shower I've ever had in my life.  I could write a sonnet about that shower, I was so moved by it.  But I'm feeling super relaxed from said shower, and writing a sonnet seems like way too much work right now.  So how about a haiku instead?

Hot water on skin.

Soap is the best thing ever.

The stink is now gone!

The other perk of having my drains out is that now I can finally wear normal clothes.  I no longer have to wear stretchy pants to keep from irritating my drain incisions (which, oddly enough, were located just above my belly button), and bulky sweatshirts to accommodate the drain bulbs.  Now I can go to public places without looking like a complete slob!  Yay!  This calls for another haiku!

I put on real pants

and sophisticated top.

Let's go drink some wine!

Alright, now it's your turn, my friends.  Give me your best shower or clothing haiku!