The Return to Running *cue dramatic music*

Yesterday I had my six-week post-op follow-up appointment with my plastic surgeon.  It is actually only five weeks since my surgery, but the six week mark is Christmas Day.  My surgeon understandably refused to invite me over to his mansion for Christmas (all plastic surgeons live in mansions, no?), so he had me come in for my follow-up one week early. The appointment went like this:

Nurse: Okay, change into this gown.

Me: *takes off shirt and bra and doesn't bother putting on the stupid gown because y'all have seen all this before*

Doctor: *enters room* Alright, stand up and let's take a look.

Me:  *stands up*

Doctor and Nurse simultaneously: Wow!!! 

Me: I know, right???  *checks self out in mirror on wall*

Doctor: Your recovery is remarkable.

Me: I was hoping you'd say that. Now, doc, I have a few questions. *inhales deeply*  When can I start running? When can I start lifting weights? When can I do other cardio?  When can I do push-ups? WHEN???

Doctor: First of all, stop bouncing.  Second of all, you can start now.

Me: *pulls running shoes out of bag and starts putting them on*

Doctor: Wait wait wait!  You need to ease into it.  Make yourself a two week plan, wear a very supportive bra, don't overdo it and listen to your body.

Me: *already warming up with high-knee jogging in place* Sure, doc, whatever you say! 

Doctor: You may need to take Advil after your first few runs.

Me: Pffft. I don't need no stinkin' Advil!  See ya! *runs out of the exam room* *realizes she is still topless and quickly runs back in* 

Fast forward to this morning, when I went for my actual first post-surgery run.  It went like this:

Brain:  Finally, the day I've been waiting for for five weeks!!!

Legs: Okay, we're ready for this.  Let's run at the same pace we used to run before surgery! It will be FUN! 

Brain: Well, maybe you shouldn't do that...

Heart and Lungs: Oh this isn't so bad.  We can manage this.

Brain:  I mean, we've only gone a tenth of a mile.  It will probably get harder. 

Legs: Nonsense! 

Heart and Lungs: Well, now that you mention it, this does seem harder than it used to. 

Legs: You can't slow me down!  

Heart and Lungs:  *sobbing quietly*

Legs: We're freeeeeeee!!!

Brain: Will somebody please tell the legs to slow the hell down??? 

Heart and Lungs: Can't.breathe.  Going.to.die.  Need.paramedics.

Legs: Quit yer whinin'! 

Heart and Lungs: We may never recover.  Tell our families we love them.

Garmin watch: Hey, while all of you were bickering, we ran four miles and now we're done! 

Brain:  That.was.AWESOME!!! 

Legs: Okay, to be honest, we're a little wobbly now.

Heart and Lungs: We will never forgive any of you.

Legs: Literally cannot walk right now.

Heart and Lungs: You get what you deserve, Legs.

Brain: We are SO doing this again tomorrow! 

Legs, Heart and Lungs: NOOOOOOO!!!!

All things considered, my first post-op run went pretty well.  Four miles at a 10:20 pace (which was definitely too fast) is a decent accomplishment only five weeks major surgery.  I clearly need to work on slowing my legs down to match my cardiovascular fitness, as I've definitely lost a lot of fitness over the last several weeks.  If I can do that, I should be able to safely increase my distance.  

So I'm thinking I should be ready for a marathon by the end of January. 

I kid, I kid!  

Well, I'm pretty sure I kid.